Mother’s Day.

Happy Mother’s Day to all of you beautiful mothers out there.

And a big HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY to my beautiful mom. I cannot thank you enough for all you do for me. I love you.

Today was a pretty great day. For me it started early  with a morning to afternoon shift at work. I do not remember if I mentioned it before but I work at a store, and let me tell you, we were busy! The store was swarming with men and children rushing to gather up the last minute supplies such as flowers and cards for Mother’s Day. I can guarantee that today is the only day out of the year that so many men will be at a store at once. Its just a fact.

After my shift I went home and we did some cleaning and grocery shopping in preparation for family to come over. I also did some studying since school is almost over and we might as well call it testing season. Ha. But I will skip through all of the in between activities and get to the exciting stuff.

Soon after we ate dinner family started to arrive.We had dessert and hung out outside since the weather has been beautiful.

Say hello to my friend who lives around the corner, my brothers, and my two little cousins. It was very hard trying to get all of us in one picture.

That is a little better but were missing a child. Whoops.

The night ended a little earlier than a normal gathering due to the fact that we have this thing called school tomorrow. Yay for Mondays  and 7:30 am classes…just kidding.

As we were cleaning up the dessert mess, my brother decided he wanted some more whip cream and so,  being the loving sister that I am, offered to pour it into his mouth. But what fun is it just keeping it in his mouth?

So his once innocent idea to have a little whip ream tuned into a whip cream fight. And you would of thought that my mom would disapprove, especially on her day, but instead she recorded and took pictures the whole time while laughing hysterically. But then we had to clean the kitchen so I guess we deserved that.

Today was a great day. It was busy, full of laughter, shenanigans, and most importantly it revolved around the person who always keeps our family in sync, Mom.

But another reason I wrote this post was so that when I look back years from now I can reminisce on the day that I was engaged, happy, and smiling. Today, although I have been fully engaged before at gatherings since recovery, felt different in a way. A good different. I felt more free. My mind felt more at ease and I didn’t get so caught up in my thoughts. It felt good. It feels good.

To be honest I don’t remember anything about Mother’s Day last year or the year before or the year before. I was so caught up in my mind, I was so sick. Knowing that I cant remember those days makes me sad because I know I missed out on something special. But the past is the past and I am choosing to live in the moment. Today was a Mother’s Day that I am going to remember. And for that, I definitely have my mom to thank.

Thank you mom for always being there for me.

Recovery And Shopping.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Aren’t my mother and little brother just too cute? If you answered yes, then I am glad we agree. 🙂

Anyways. On a more serious note, this post is about something that I avoided for a long time…

Clothes shopping in recovery.

Yep. I avoided doing this for a long time. I was not ready to try on clothes that would have been much too large just months before. I was not mentally ready to face new pant sizes and changing rooms with too may mirrors for anybody’s own good. I will admit that part of me really wanted to shop for new clothes, but then a larger part of me was very uncomfortable. Very uncomfortable.

So for the past few months, after getting rid of my “eating disorder clothes”, which I used to constantly have to remind myself of the fact that they were not meant to fit me. Oh and I may or may not have been surviving with only one pair of jeans that fit for the past few months. Oops. But don’t worry, that problem has been solved. And I also have some clothes that fit after some of my weight redistribution has taken place. (it does happen, I promise. Post on that to come soon).

So let me tell you how my shopping experience went down.

It was a slow progression. A couple months ago I actually went bathing suit shopping a couple times. I still to this day cannot tell you why I went shopping for swimwear when that was probably more anxiety provoking than jean shopping. But hey, I did it and it was not too bad. I found one I like and I have actually worn it three times and swam believe it or not. That was probably one of the hardest exposures when it comes to recovery.

Then, a couple weeks ago I went shopping for some clothes and ended up getting shorts. Whaaat? Yes, you read that correctly Although I have only worn them once because I am self conscious in shorts still, I plan on diminishing that fear by wearing them often. I am hoping that fear goes away sooner rather than later. That would be nice.

Then, just this weekend I went shopping specifically for pants. This time I had very little anxiety, which was definitely progress in terms of recovery. I actually was excited to have new pants to wear. It felt good.

Here is what I found helpful about clothes shopping in recovery:

•For me, I found it easier to manage the thoughts and anxiety of shopping for clothes by not spending hours upon hours shopping, but instead shopping in shorter increments. The get in, get out type of approach, without dwelling too much on how I look.

•Pre-shopping time. Before going shopping I would suggest focusing on some self compassion exercises or anything that helps you personally to decrease your anxiety. For me, I worked on some activities out of books that focus on self compassion and positive body image.

•What sizes to try on? Okay, so first things first I would recommend not grabbing the size you wore during your eating disorder. You know the ones that if you tried on now would not go past your knee. Which definitely is NOT a bad thing. I mean, are your eating disorder clothes supposed to fit anyways? Nope. So instead pick the next size up, and/or the next two sizes up. I personally took in the next two sizes and then did not look at the sizes once I was in the changing room. Why? Because I have come to realize and accept that size does not matter. In fact, the sizes on pants are always different. For example, I have pants that are from the same place in two different sizes. It just all depends on the style.

•Changing room simplicity: get in and get out. Try on the jeans, the shirt, or whatever it is and decide whether or not you like it. Staring at your reflection for five minutes critiquing yourself will not help your anxiety and body image thoughts.

•Acceptance. This is a big one. I had to take a step back while shopping every once in a while and practice self compassion and acceptance. Accepting the fact that, yes, I am wearing different sizes now. And you know what? That is okay! Accepting the fact that my body has muscle tissue, a new density to it than before. Accepting the fact that the old me does not pertain to my new self and new clothes.

So there you have it. I finally went clothes shopping and now have more than just one pair of pants to wear. That is always a plus right?

My question for you is: Is there something in your recovery that you have been avoiding? If so, why? What do you think would help you overcome that?

Life Lately.

Is it really already February?

This year is going by way too fast already.

Life lately has consisted of mainly the usual. With school, work and my weekly appointments I have a pretty steady schedule throughout the week. But don’t worry, in the midst of my schedule there have been some wonderful moments.

So what have I been up to lately?

This past month it was my beautiful mamma’s birthday. Happy Birthday! Fun fact, my moms birthday is the same day as my dogs birthday. Weird huh? The picture I put on Facebook of us for her birthday in my opinion was hilarious because we were being goofy, my mom on the other hand, did not think it was very funny so I am hoping that this picture makes up for that. But what are daughters for, right? Anyways, the picture above previews my mom and I after my dietitian appointment a couple weeks ago. We went to a new place call Liquidolody which you can find more information about here: http://liquidologybar.com/

Do it. Go to it. Try it. You wont regret it.

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This year so far we have had some beautiful weather. Do we need rain? Yes. But honestly I am enjoying this weather. But then again, we are in a drought and need rain.

 Why not go to the Lake when January is beautiful?Although all of these rocks should be under water, it was fun to be able to climb on them.

 I really love this picture.

 Is it just me or is skipping rocks one of the most fun things to do when it is too cold to swim but perfect weather to just hang out at the lake? We probably skipped rocks for a  good twenty minutes and let me tell you, my arm was sore the next day. Now I know that I probably sounds ridiculous and you are probably chuckling to yourself right now as you read this and I don’t blame you because it sounds pretty lame. But in my defense we take our rock skipping pretty seriously. 😉

 Another picture capturing another amazing memory. Three months of adventures. 🙂

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I love capturing moments like these. I must say, my brothers are pretty cool. Weird, but cool. The other day we played soccer outside and thankfully only one fence post was harmed. I love moments like these because for a few years I missed out on a lot of fun with them because I was so closed up inside my own mind. Sometimes I get angry with myself and wish I could get those moments that I lost back, but then I remember how much more appreciative I am of the moments I have with them now. So there you have it. Life lately.

Psalm 34:8 Taste and see that the Lord is good;
blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.